The fact is that competition exists in every facet of our lives. It lives inside of relationships, businesses, and self. It's a force much like gravity, akin to a law of nature. I find if you look for it, you can see it everywhere and not just in the obvious places (e.g., competitive activities). For example, every personal relationship we have, whether subconsciously or consciously, has some semblance of competitive qualities. It drives the way we interact with the other person, romantic or not. This competition can be healthy. See, every reference to "you are the sum of your five closest friends". This competition can be unhealthy. It can drive an animosity towards a loved one. Much like many other forces of nature though, it is unavoidable and better to acknowledge than ignore (you wouldn't walk off the side of a building because you had chosen to ignore gravity that morning). The difference between gravity and competition is that the latter has become, in a way, taboo. Many authors have discussed the topic of "over ability of choice" in the modern world, or the plight of modern mental health. Many also believe that much of this anguish stems from the belief that humans simply have too much time on their hands and comfort to focus on what matters. Our brains were wired to survive. There was no depression when you were constantly fighting for your life, constantly competing for survival.
Today it's easy to fall into a lull. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it does happen to some, including myself. To me, it's obvious when you read the stories of those who seem extremely sure of themselves, which to me is a quality of happiness. They often have been through extreme tribulations or conquered feats that required them to face many of the primal realities that others choose to ignore. They entered the competitive arena and won, they battled with themselves over decades, they took on the challenge of life. They come out on the other end happier for it. Those who choose to ignore the competitive nature of our world, choose to look past the realities of every dynamic interaction on a first principles basis, are lying to themselves. Once you start lying to yourself, it spreads like a cancer. You lose track of yourself and lose focus which causes existential dread and the like. It makes people grab on to frivolous ideals and causes, march for things they don't believe (because it's easier to have someone choose a battle for you), or simply give up and retire to a life of quiet desperation. You can see it in people's eyes when it's obvious they've chosen to live their entire life outside of the arena. It can be a sad existence, but then again, not everyone wants or is meant to throw their hat in the ring.
Like with any bad habit, bias, or unknown heuristic, it's best to first begin by acknowledging it as often as possible. It's really the only way to start. If you want to understand how gravity works on every single object in the expansive universe, it's prudent to begin by first seeing how it affects the objects you interact with daily. This is one we all subconsciously grasp from an early age, and by age 10 would be seen as satirical if we chose to claim it had no bearing on planets, matter of all kinds, and so on. So like with gravity, you must first acknowledge whether or not you're choosing to put your hat in the ring of every interaction. Are you choosing to be competitive at work or are you just there for the paycheck? Decide which, because when you don't get a promotion, you'll be able to better rationalize if you should be upset or not. If you truly are there (and now is the time to actually acknowledge that pesky bias, bad habit, or unknown heuristic) for just a paycheck every two Fridays, you won't be mad. In fact, you'll be at peace with the fact that the other girl got the job. Now, here comes the scary part: if you chose to be in the ring, you have to be all in. Whether that's with a romantic partner, a friend, a job, or a hobby. If you want to be sure of yourself, non-disillusioned, or generally more "happy", be honest with yourself about what you care about, because where you care, you're going to be "competing". In a romantic relationship, to get it to work for a very long period of time, you have to be aware of the emotions of the other party. They may see certain things you do as reasonable or unreasonable and you may see the same. You have to pick your "battles", we always say. Why use that word? You have to know when to give and when to "take".
It's my untrained and naive opinion that you MUST be honest with yourself about certain dynamics of the world. It's the only way to return inwards and tell yourself, "You're right self, I didn't really want X, it's OK that time or opportunity is passing". OR "We need to go all in here because if we don't, we're going to be upset with ourselves" (in the latter example, you WANT to compete in that ring, you're going to get joy from it). I imagine I will continue to write on this topic because I currently am finding it interesting to notice in my life.
NM